You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
