I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
