It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
