So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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