Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
