Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I touched a dick in church today
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