Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
