I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
