I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize