living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
