Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize