Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
