Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
