hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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