FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
