is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize