He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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