walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
