fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize