The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
