So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
