The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
