I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize