It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
