fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
