Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
