She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
