i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
