How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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