Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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