he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
