I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
