the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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