I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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