Little spoons don't ask big questions
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
