yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
