you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize