He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
