Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
