so explain again why im purple
no
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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