I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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