Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
