Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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