I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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