I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
