omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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