is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize