idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
dude. I can hear the air.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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