does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
