your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
