Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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