I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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