I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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