saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
