I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
