I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
