Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
