you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize