i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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