Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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