I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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