You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
