god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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