I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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