we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
