You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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