ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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