woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
