it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
