and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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