I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
