That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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