Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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