I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
