this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
