Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
