I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
