the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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