i think i have herpe
just one?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
