Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
