why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
