note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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