I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
