I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
