Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
