my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize