You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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