imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
