Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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