i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
