They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
