I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
