he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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