you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
