You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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