The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I look better un-naked...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
