Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
